Tinder Roulette

So yeah, I bet you’re wondering what’s up with the title: Tinder Roulette.

I’ve been at a loss for what to write over the last few days. The sun’s finally shown its face in a less than English fashion, ie. it’s here to stay.

True to my word I’ve begun my secluded Dark Souls pilgrimage, balancing it out with a couple of good old kick abouts at the park – a pastime I’m particularly under-skilled at. Sorry football, we were never meant to be…

Freelancing has kicked off to a slow start but much like the weather, I’m certain the drought won’t last long. I’ve actually been editing Dad’s book which is really beginning to take shape, but more on that in a later blog…

The big new twist in Tom’s peculiarly ordinary narrative comes in the form of an app. (Yup, I’m speaking in the third person.)

You can’t be serious…

Renowned by most for being a phenomenal waste of time and the proud source of the ‘guys only swipe right’ movement, Tinder has been recommended to me by the few.

Some could say I’ve been vetted by a living and breathing success story who – despite all odds – found love there.

Not heard of it? Then you’re probably Dad reading my blog. This is for you then: Tinder is a dating app whereby you can make snap decisions on if you like someone or not by a couple of choice words and a handful of pictures.

I didn’t get it until now because I suffer from a chronic case of never gtf-over myself. That as well as my inherent skepticism surrounding Tinder and the reawakened fear of joining the dating world *shivers*.

Why did I cave and get it then?

Well… It was an age old reason. For fear of missing out.

I’ll gloss over the irony behind my good friend Tom getting Tinder, but having seen he’d joined the party I couldn’t sit idly by without trying it for myself.

And so commenced something of a contest. Both of us put daft pictures up of ourselves – something real and ultimately cringe-worthy. I think you’ll agree mine is dreadful…


…then it was just a case of the first person to get a match wins.

Problem is, it’s not as simple as that.

We don’t seem to follow the usual stereotype for men and I found myself seeing and judging people not for their looks but on their generic-ness.

Did you know that almost every girl is obsessed with pizza. If you say I’m wrong then why is that the MOST common bio comment? To me this means that person has decided the most important thing about them is their unrelenting desire for pizza.

Maybe I’m missing something.

Maybe there’s a book out there I haven’t read: Top 10 bio comments to boost your desirability.

Then there’s travelling. The majority of girls love travelling. Preferably in Italy I can only assume.

(That’s just a joke. I tell them sometimes.)

I’m being overly judgmental though. Fallen on the dating site sword… At least these pizza loving backpackers have bothered to write something.

What really grinds my gears (and shouldn’t) is when people don’t bother writing about themselves. They rely purely on picture evidence trusting their own beauty and the trigger happy right-swipers to carry them through. Probably works too, after all it’s a dating app with profiles built around pictures.

I think it’s the writer in me. The saying goes “a picture speaks a thousand words”, but I quite like to paint my own picture using words. Surely that gives a better idea of who the person really is, especially with the abundance of snapchat filters flying around.

Tinder Roulette

I’ve probably given the impression I’m taking this seriously. I’ll ask you once again to cast your eyes on this:


(partly out of laziness to take/find another picture.)

I mentioned Tom also has the app, and as we’re both taking it only partially seriously we decided to swap phones. (Bish joined us for this too, although he hasn’t been beaten down quite enough to download the app…yet.)

After all, it’s my approval Tom needs (although he doesn’t know this yet).

So by reading out the bio and not letting the other look at pictures we had to decide what we thought of the profile and whether to swipe Left (Nope) or Right (Yes).

My issue was, having not got the hang of the app mechanics I keep swiping the wrong way. On my own Tinder I’ve swiped UP three times by accident. (Swiping UP means you ‘super like’ someone… bit awkward)

Of course, due to our dreadful pictures the risk of matching to someone you wouldn’t actually want to date is minimal. It’s been 4 days, neither of us has had a match but we’ve had a great laugh with the whole experience.

I’ll let you know if Tinder Roulette has any unwanted side effects if and when they come up.

In the meantime though, here’s a third highly common bio comment:

“if you’re (often spelt ‘your’) boring swipe left”.

I mean… that just opens up a whole ‘nother can of duh doesn’t it.





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